The Top 20 Things Not to Do at a Friend's Wedding, or to DO if You Never Want Her to Speak to You Again.

1. Wear a white dress to her wedding, better yet... ask her to send a picture of her dress, then buy a prettier and more expensive one and wear that. (joint effort with Shannon)

2. Ask her fiancé if he has ever considered polygamy, then give him a little wink.

3.  Tell everyone the bride is pregnant, and it may be best to bring gifts for the baby to her wedding shower.

4. Make a speech about how fun your vacation to Mexico was. Then proceed to tell everyone about the 20 guys who did shots off her stomach.

5. When she shows you her dress say, “don’t worry it will look fabulous after you put on the full body spanx.”

6. Sleep with the groom’s autistic brother.

7. Sleep with the groom.

8. Tell her you are so upset about not having a boyfriend, and ask her if she would mind postponing the wedding until you find one.

9. Bring her ex who cheated and dumped her as your plus one.

10. Take bets at the reception of how long until the happy couple gets a divorce.

11. When asked how you know the bride say, “Oh we met 10 years ago at the corner of Church and Jarvis, before his operation... I mean hers”.

12. When congratulating the groom in the receiving line say “I don’t know what Karen is talking about, you are way hotter than your father”.

13. Give the couple a cheque that you know will bounce, and then get your accountant to send them a bill for the $30 NSF charge to your account.

14. Ask the groom “why her?”

15. When she’s cutting the cake, whisper in her ear “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you”.

16. If you use to date the groom, don’t talk about how you use to date the groom.

17. Ask the priest how big god’s penis is.

18. If you moonlight as a stripper, do not accept the job to strip at her fiancé’s bachelor party. Unless you really need the cash.

19. As a wedding gift, give all your unused gift cards from Christmas, throw in some McDonald’s coupons as well. Chances are they are going to need them... after this money pit of a wedding.

20. When talking with other guest’s say “I can’t believe she wore pure white, she’s the biggest slut I know!”