Fashion Bloggers Have Souls Too!

I want you all to know this blog is real, I am real and the jokes and superficialness is to add a bit of humour to (when you get to the bare bones) a humorless world. There is still famine, rape as a weapon of war, and there is still genocide happening in places such as Darfur. There are people losing their jobs and people burying their children. There is so much hate in this world and at times we are all responsible. 


Just today I was rushing back to my office for a conference call and I'm guessing I didn't look too enthused, as a homeless man outside of Quiznos said "smile, you just ate a meal". If that doesn't stop you in your tracks, I don't know what will. 


We all try desperately to count our blessings, be thankful for everything life has given us. At times this gets harder and harder to do, though we are very conscience of our fortunate circumstances. As I said on my very first post, take from this blog what you will... but I hope I can cause a "chuckled" reaction around the world. This blog is not just a fashion/beauty blog, it is an outlet for a sometimes dim light, and I hope it is an outlet for you as well.

Fashé

P.S. I solemnly swear to only use this blog as a confessional on an annual bases. Though this does not mean much as I am not a religious person, or have a bible on hand to swear on. I will steal one from a hotel and do it later.

Nip + Fab

Imagine my surprise when I took my weekly routine trip to Shoppers and found Nip + Fab on their shelves!!!! I of course bought as many products as my little bank account could handle, though many of the products were on sale! If you want plumper tits or a fine ass, I would suggest investing in a couple of their products! The products are very easy to use and can probably tweak any beauty dilemma that you may be suffering from. What I am most excited about is the Cellulite Fix Body Sculpting Gel. I will let you know if I see any improvement!

Fashion for the Weak @ Heart: Wow you smell... not that nice!

Fashion for the Weak @ Heart: Wow you smell... not that nice!: "It is hot and sticky out there and the last thing you want to do is spray your obnoxious fragrance all over your sweat induced body. In the ..."

Wow you smell... not that nice!

It is hot and sticky out there and the last thing you want to do is spray your obnoxious fragrance all over your sweat induced body. In the summer I take a break from my eau de toilette and replace it with a more subtle scent such as a light body spray. I love love love the summer scents from Victoria's Secret or their de-fusion line Pink ($18). But if you would rather spend your hard earned cash on a patio somewhere getting inebriated, then might I suggest a cheaper solution to the funky smell gathering in your nether regions?

I found Dove's Go Fresh body mist does the trick! It is light, airy and compact. I probably spray that thing more than a cat spray's in heat, yet without the lasting stench. Gross.

Dove has numerous scents and there is normally a sale, such as buy two for five dollars. At that rate you can pitch for some deodorant and maybe some men will now venture to your table. My two favourite's from the Dove line are the nectarine and white ginger scent as well as the pomegranate and lemon verbena scent. Whatever verbena means? Who the hell cares... you smell delicious! Each of these scents also has a matching deodorant, just incase you wanna keeps things kosher.

Also, it is best to store your unused fragrances in the fridge as it will keep it fresh much longer. Just a little tip from the mother country.

Smell ya later Fashionistas...

Happy Canada Day to all the Canadians around the world! 

Day to Night Does Not Have to be a Fright

Day Look: with a little straw hat
and a  yellow denim vest.

Night Look: pairing the nude
dress with a sequin jacket and
a green wedge.

We all would like to go from day to night in a snap, but sadly we do not all have Fairy Godmothers. Actually I don't think Fairy Godmothers actually exist. Too bad. Anyway... it is actually very easy to turn your day outfit into something that you can rock out in until 3 am, all you need is a base. A base can be anything from a pair of skinny jeans to a cotton dress. Take this little nude dress I picked up from H&M for $17. 

  

My Base

The Top 20 Things Not to Do at a Friend's Wedding, or to DO if You Never Want Her to Speak to You Again.

1. Wear a white dress to her wedding, better yet... ask her to send a picture of her dress, then buy a prettier and more expensive one and wear that. (joint effort with Shannon)

2. Ask her fiancé if he has ever considered polygamy, then give him a little wink.

3.  Tell everyone the bride is pregnant, and it may be best to bring gifts for the baby to her wedding shower.

4. Make a speech about how fun your vacation to Mexico was. Then proceed to tell everyone about the 20 guys who did shots off her stomach.

5. When she shows you her dress say, “don’t worry it will look fabulous after you put on the full body spanx.”

6. Sleep with the groom’s autistic brother.

7. Sleep with the groom.

8. Tell her you are so upset about not having a boyfriend, and ask her if she would mind postponing the wedding until you find one.

9. Bring her ex who cheated and dumped her as your plus one.

10. Take bets at the reception of how long until the happy couple gets a divorce.

11. When asked how you know the bride say, “Oh we met 10 years ago at the corner of Church and Jarvis, before his operation... I mean hers”.

12. When congratulating the groom in the receiving line say “I don’t know what Karen is talking about, you are way hotter than your father”.

13. Give the couple a cheque that you know will bounce, and then get your accountant to send them a bill for the $30 NSF charge to your account.

14. Ask the groom “why her?”

15. When she’s cutting the cake, whisper in her ear “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you”.

16. If you use to date the groom, don’t talk about how you use to date the groom.

17. Ask the priest how big god’s penis is.

18. If you moonlight as a stripper, do not accept the job to strip at her fiancé’s bachelor party. Unless you really need the cash.

19. As a wedding gift, give all your unused gift cards from Christmas, throw in some McDonald’s coupons as well. Chances are they are going to need them... after this money pit of a wedding.

20. When talking with other guest’s say “I can’t believe she wore pure white, she’s the biggest slut I know!” 

Calling all Top Shop Lovers

Top Shop is now open at the Bay Queen St. my little fashionesta's! Get there soon before your Canada Day outfit is taken by one of your fashion rivals a.k.a friends. Will post pictures soon of my fab finds! Remember you are not judged by your character but by the character of your outfit. Have an awesome glamours day!!!

As promised these are the pics of the new Top Shop merchandise. The long blue skirt with slit is $65, the white knot top and floral print shorts all together came to around $88, and the white and beige jumper (my favvvvvv) is $100.  

I think the jumper looks a little like Marc Jacobs or even Sandro, and half the price!

  

The Fashion Blahs

Every once and a while we all get tired of the same ol’ fashion scene. Dressing up becomes too casual; sometimes we do not even care what is on our backs. I wish we could go out wearing ball gowns and white gloves, but sadly I was born in the wrong decade. There is a reason why it is known as Old Hollywood Glamour and unfortunately this glamour can only be recreated for the silver screen. Though this funk can be rectified, with a little research and planning. If you want to wear a pretty dress and look like you stepped out of My Fair Lady then MAKE IT HAPPEN!!

Two weeks ago my good friend Shannon invited me to a gala at the AGH (Art Gallery of Hamilton). The theme... A Night in Fifties Paris called “Oh La La” put on by CLiC Noir, 2011. We had so much fun finding outfits that correlated with the fifties theme, not to mention the gala served an endless supply of French Martini’s (my favourite drink).

Now these type of events do not just fall into your lap, you have to search for them, or become part of an organization. Many organizations offer cheaper memberships, meaning you may not be eligible to attend the dinner, but you can attend the cocktail reception later. Most of the time, the hors d’ourves they serve at the reception are way tastier anyway.

So the next time you are feeling a little whimsical and in grave need of a night of dress-up, check your local events or events in cities close to you. You may be in for a pleasant Fashionista surprise!!! 

The Closet Purge

Purge: to rid of whatever is impure or undesirable; cleanse; purify.

Looking at your closet and hating everything you see? Well this week I did my annual Spring Purge, and you will be amazed at how FREE you feel! There is something about getting rid of dumpy shit that uplifts your spirits and makes you an overall happy person. I understand we are not all made of gold nuggets and that “you may wear that sweater down the road”. But come on! You will not wear that sweater, as it is ridiculously ugly, and an insult to your skin colour. I once wore this lime green shirt and people kept asking if I was “feeling ok”.

Now there are little tips to purging your closet and no, it does not involve a toilet. Unless you have a great sewage system, then by all means, flush those ratty clothes away! Here’s the thing, before you start purging make sure you develop two piles- first pile: give away to a shelter or the Goodwill, second pile: sell. Lightly used clothing that still has character and belongs in this decade, can be sold on consignment. This is a great way to make some cash to use towards your new wardrobe! Also, when in doubt, don’t through it out. If there is something in your collection that you are truly unsure about, put it in a bag, if you do not take it out in the next six months- pitch it! Keep your unsure pile to a maximum of six items. If you keep adding more than six to the pile, you are not purging, you are just wasting your time!

Another great idea when it comes to lightly used clothing is to have a Trade the Closet Party. This is superb excuse to throw a cocktail party and add new pieces to your wardrobe. Make sure you add in the invite that all clothes must be lightly worn, washed, and nothing older than three years. Also, have someone from the party take responsibility for taking whatever was not chosen to the Goodwill. Chances are if no one wants the item at the party, it will not do well on consignment, but hey you never know...

Have fun purging, and remember...NEVER get rid of vintage!!!!! 

A Fashion Wonderland

Last Saturday I had the ultimate privilege of being a guest at Fashion Wonderland, an event put on by Heels and Heart to support the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society of Canada. The event was a huge success and co-founders Kristina McGill and Alanna Ramgoolam should be extremely proud of this accomplishment. The event was held at the Darling Foundry in Old Montreal, a beautiful exposed brick building- perfect for a wearable art fashion show! The show was full of surprises, one being that one of the models from the show walked the catwalk, and then played an electric harp for the latter half of the show. All the designers who participated did an excellent job and many of the designs were tremendously detailed. 

The Winners!!

My favourite design (though it did not win, as judges were on whatever that caterpillar smokes) was by designer Jennifer Laboun- Rubenstein, titled “Who Are You”. This creation was modeled by Lydia Ochieng, and the dress was complimented by a beautiful piece of jewellery designed by Jennifer herself. To check out more of Jennifer’s intricate jewellery designs please visit her website WWW.JENLR.COM. The gorgeous creation reminded me little of Halston, and had a very seventies look to it.

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, Kristina will be running a 42 km marathon this weekend in Nova Scotia, with all proceeds raised going to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Please join me in congratulating Kristina for her incredible support of this devastating disease. I hope you will all take the time to read more on Heels and Heart’s worthy cause and join me at their next event!

"Who Are You"

Necklace by Jennifer Laoun- Rubenstein

First Place Winner- Samantha Cutler "Wonderland"

Photo taken by Susan Paige

Co-founder of Heels and Heart Kristina McGill and I before the show 

P.S. my little Fashionistas:  In Canada, there are over 90,000 people living with, or in remission from, a blood cancer. One diagnosis every 34 minutes, one lost battle every 72 minutes. While much has been accomplished in the fight against blood cancers, there is still much to do – and every minute counts.

For more information on this cause please visit www.teamintraining.ca

WWAD

Whenever I get down on my fashion self and pity the fool who chose my wardrobe (me), I just repeat the letters WWAD to myself. What is this little acronym you ask? Well it stands for What Would Audrey Do... of course. She would not cry about how she has nothing to wear because she knew how to be lovely. Plus she was stick thin and all she needed was a cigarette pant to look FAB.

To me Audrey Hepburn is the ultimate fashion diva and she inspires me in all areas of my life! As soon as I whisper those four letters, I am instantly uplifted and it is almost as if an outfit suddenly appears in front of me. So the next morning you are freaking about how you have nothing wear, take a deep breath, step away from your closet and whisper WWAD. If all else fails take some advice from Ms. Hepburn herself, "Shirts are so wonderful all you have to do is wash and iron them".

And remember... ATTITUDE is everything!

Hello Gorgeous... Where did you get that SKIN?!

Summer is upon us, unfortunately what lies beneath our winter layers is SCARY! Unless you have the skin of a Hollywood starlet (whores) you may be wishing that you could wear your black stockings all year around, as you have started to resemble a character out of an Anne Rice novel. Well do not worry my little pasty vixens, there is hope and it is just a cream and scrub away! I am a firm believer in all the products I mention on this blog, and if you have a little time and patience, you will be too. I think May is the perfect month to start getting ready for the warm weather. It gives you ample time to get that perfect sun kissed glow. 


I like so many women out there, suffer from the horrible effects of cellulite. Ok it is not that bad but it is something you have to pay attention to. If you are like me I try to avoid looking at my bare ass at all costs. I am not promising that this product will take away cellulite, but it does minimize the effects on the surface. Nivea has a great product geared towards your butt and thighs called Goodbye Cellulite. I put it on every night after I shower and it is actually a gel so it goes on super smooth and dries in a matter of seconds.

This product is probably the cheapest I found and it works just as good as Biotherm (which can cost you up to $70) or any other cellulite product on the market. I have begun to see results in just less than three weeks and it has become part of my beauty regime all year around. You also won’t have to worry about how much you use, because the most you will pay for this product is $15.99.

I tend to wait for it to go on sale at Shoppers and then I stock up! When using any cellulite product be sure to use a scrub, any scrub is fine though I looooove Soap & Glory’s -Scrub’ Em and Leave’ Em (comes in a pink tube, available at Shoppers for $14.99). This line also has a cellulite reducing product though I have yet to try it (if you do, please give your expert opinion).  The next product on my list is for that beach bunny glow, and I think I have mentioned it before.

Olay’s -Touch of Sun is one of the best moisturizer/ self tanners I have found in the beauty market. It is easy to apply and has a light scent; great for those newbie’s entering the world of self-tanner.  I put this lotion on every second day as it does give plenty of colour (available at any drugstore). If you have a special occasion, make sure to apply this product one week prior to the event for optimal colour. If you have fair skin, keep to the light to medium skin tone.

Another way to get perfect glowing skin is to take a skin supplement. 

I have found Greens- Perfect Skin to be a great supplement for the skin. Perfect Skin contains natural proven ingredients including o3mega-EPA concentrate, green tea extract, Zinc and Chromium, to target the main causes of acne and problem skin. Be sure to take this on a full stomach, I made the mistake of taking it with coffee and I felt queasy all day. This product will run you about $50-$60 for a large bottle, but it is well worth the compliments you will receive from your green with envy friends.

Of course the best product for great skin is free and also refreshing... H2O! This is no secret, yet we ladies tend to disregard this replenishing liquid for caffeine and sugar. So limit your coffee intake to the mornings and drink water the rest of the day. If you find your moving slower than the clock above you desk try drinking green tea. It not only has natural caffeine but it is also an antioxidant and you tend not to be as hungry during the day.


Alright you saucy little bitches, go get your beauty on and remember... you’re FUCKING FABULOUS!

Heels and Heart Hits the Mark.

The word FASHION has always had the underline context of pretentiousness and an air of selfishness. Lady Fashion is not always the most responsive to the needs of others, and does not give a shit if your four inch heels hurt after 20 minutes. To her pain is beauty... period.  Though there are those times when Lady Fashion’s icy interior melts just a little, and with that charity is born! Actually, fashion is one of the forerunners in charitable donations to many causes around the world. The fashion elite, who many call 'idiots' for the amount of money they spend on clothes each season, are in fact the 'idiots' that spend $5000 a plate at charitable events put on by the biggest names in fashion.

You may be wondering where this little tangent of mine is leading to, and why I am talking about fashion and charities in the first place. As I try my best to keep this little blog as shallow as possible, there are causes that shallowness is not welcome. My friend Kristina McGill (a schoolmate actually doing something with her fashion education) has teamed up with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society of Canada to put on a wearable art show by Heels and Heart. Kristina one of the co-founders of Heels and Heart, will further her commitment to this devastating disease by running in a 42 km marathon in honour of those who have lost their lives, and for those who are still fighting.

The event will showcase up and coming designers and their creative designs inspired by Alice and Wonderland. All creations will be judged by a panel of industry experts and prizes will be awarded to the top three designs. The event will take place on May 14^th, 2011 at Darling Foundry in Old Montreal, with a cocktail reception beginning at 7 pm. The tickets are available for $40, though act fast as there is limited availability.

Please take the time to visit the Heals and Heart website (www.heelsandheart.com) for more details on the wearable art show, as well as to learn more about the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society of Canada. So let’s stop complaining about our four inch heels and start putting them to good use... by kicking this disease in the ass!

Also, I will be covering the show and posting this fabulous event for all to see!

www.heelsandheart.com/tickets

Navy, Stripes, and Polka Dots Oh My!

You may not have a yacht, but with this season’s hottest trends you will be a sailors dream.  What we can expect this spring from the inspiring fashion gods... navy, polka dots, and stripes of course. Just thinking about this upcoming season’s trend gives me a little tingle in my cookie! Spring is what keeps a fashionista holding on, it is a little ray of hope that life will get better.

 The trick to this trend is not to go overboard (no pun intended), and remember less is more.

Most designers design their collection in a simple, ready-to-wear fashion, meaning you will always find the collection to be blocked off with a simple stripe or polka dot with a solid bottom. It is always best to keep your stripes and polka dots on top, by wearing these prints on your bottom half; you may run the risk of hipititus. Hipititus is a made-up word of mine for a woman wearing something that makes her hips look like an elephant’s ass. Not pleasant, not funny, and very sad.  

This rule does not always apply when it comes to dresses. A small polka dot like the Sonia Rykiel pictured down below is a perfect example ($550). Everything is evenly spaced and I love how she did the polka dots in a nude as opposed to a basic white. If you want to do a full out stripe dress, it is best to do a chunky strip with a mixed colour palette. Again, I will turn to the ‘Ultimate Fashionista’ Sonia Rykiel, who’s done exactly this with her classic knit dress ($350). Notice that the stripes are wide and she kept darker stripes towards the bottom as to take away from the hip area. L’Agence also did a great job, keeping stripes on the top of the dress and a solid navy on the bottom.

Navy is a no fail classic and gives any wardrobe a fresh updated look, and it is great alternative to plain ol’ black. I believe that every woman needs a solid navy pant in her wardrobe, and when it is in season it is the best time to buy. They may just hang out in the back of your wardrobe along with that disgusting sweater your mother bought you last Christmas. How can you confuse the word cashmere with angora? Just thinking about that sweater makes me cringe. Anyway, when you do finally pull those navy pants out and slip them on, you will wonder where the hell they have been all your life!

I spoke briefly of L’Agence above but I would like to touch a little more on this designer. Based out of France this designer has the nautical look down pat this season. The long navy dress below is by L’Agence and at a great retail price of $495 it is this season’s must have! This dress will take you from a night out on the town to any wedding. It is a gorgeous creation that flows with an air of sophistication. I only wish that they did not cheap out on the belt, but that is easily rectified by adding your own thin belt. Also, if you look more like a super model than an actual human being you can do without the belt. Oh how I hate having those women as best friends ‘sigh’.

If you are completely against the colour navy you’re racist! No, no you’re not. Joking aside, there is no rule stating that stripes and polka dots must be on a navy backdrop. If you want this look with another colour there are many alternatives. Take the Beyond Vintage ($325) dress below as an example; it is a deep red with a black stripe. Though it does not have the sailor vibe it does have that Dita Von Tess look. Don’t be afraid to play with these patterns and you can mix and match polka dots as long as the colours are reversed. Have fun with this look as it will be gone back into the fashion vault before you know it.

All of the fashions represented in this blog are available at the Bay Queen St. Location. If these prices are a little too steep for your pocket book, similar fashions can be found at Mango and Zara. These stores do an excellent job when it comes to finding the hottest trends at a suitable price.

L'Agence

Beyond Vintage

L'Agence

Sonia Rykiel

Tips for the Plane Jane.

With the holidays over and done with, Father Christmas has probably left you with five extra pounds and a lasting hangover. I’m sure you would rather the lump of coal your parents use to hold over you all year, rather than the lump of fat that is now sitting on your hips. Not only are you considering bulimia for the next two weeks, the vacation you booked months ago is now shortly on its way. 

With work deadlines and trying to keep up with your social life, worrying about how you are going to fit into that Michael Kors bikini you bought on sale last summer is now your top priority. Well, let us all take one deep breath and think about this as rationally as women can. Bulimia is sooo high-school and the Hollywood Juice Diet never works (not that I myself have tried).  

Here’s a thought, how about we stop obsessing over the few extra pounds and embrace them as the kick ass curves given to us for free. Sure your ass has gotten a little bit cushiony, but think about how great your boobs are going to look in that low cut v-neck dress you just bought.  I am not saying not to use the next couple of weeks to eat healthier and cut down on your calorie intake, but to also think smartly. So many times we buy clothes that we are sure with a few days of starving ourselves they will soon fit. When you do go out to the stores looking for your vacation wardrobe, find clothes that fit for the here and now.

This may mean that you may have to buy a new bikini.  No one likes to see a woman on the beach that squeezed her normal ass into an extra small bikini bottom. I think this is where the term fat-ass came from, not from someone actually having a fat ass. So let us spare the young children’s eyes and dress appropriately (unless of course you are going to a nudist resort and then you don’t have to worry about it).

My number one rule for a vacation is dress for yourself and in what makes you comfortable. We sometimes tend to go a little overboard when shopping and buy some extravagant shit that we would never wear. Chances are if you do not feel comfortable in the store, you definitely won’t wear it on your vacation, regardless of the sun and surf. You know the saying ‘cotton is the fabric of our lives’? Well it is, so stick with it. A basic cotton dress can take you from day to night with the right accessories, especially a white cotton eye-lit dress. Pack a chunky necklace and a thin gold belt for night time. Make sure the accessories you bring are gold or have a bit of gold/pink undertones; this goes great with a tan.

When it comes to shoes, three’s a charm. Any more than three is too much (and this is coming from a shoe-aholic, so trust me). It is best to bring a pair of flip flops, a dressy flat sandal, and pair of neutral heels. Depending on the colour palette of your vaca-wardrobe, you will have a better idea of what to bring. It is always best to bring a light cardigan in case it cools down at night.

When choosing dresses to take on your vacation, always choose light-weight fabrics that will let your skin breath. Make sure to pack a long, ‘flowy’ dress as it is the essence of someone on vacation.

Do not forget your big brim hat, it will not only protect you from the sun, but you will look completely fab on the beach. Stay away from clothes with too many logos or brand names, this screams tourist! Nothing like being pick-pocketed your first day on vacation. This of course doesn’t apply to sunglasses, just make sure your Chanels go everywhere with you! I treat my sunglasses as I would children; I always know where they are at all times. Come to think of it I probably wouldn’t care where my children were, so I guess I treat my sunglasses better.

When it comes to beauty products, less is more. I swear by City Block tinted moisturizer by Clinique on my holidays. I normally use the SPF 25 but I am pretty sure it goes up to SPF 40. At night I use a little dab of moisturizer with some liquid bronzer to give me that healthy sun-kissed glow. A soft pink blush is all you need topped off with a nude or light pink lipstick completing that beach goddess look. Make sure all your day products have at least an SPF 15 sunscreen in them.

If you don’t know how your skin reacts to the sun by now, I am guessing you are a vampire and you will shine like diamonds.  

In case you may be thinking of spending a sweet little penny on luggage, I would think again. There is no reason to be packing your already hard earned wardrobe into an even pricier piece of luggage. It is not like the baggage handler stops and says “wait guys we have to gently place this Louis Vuitton on the belt”. To them it is all the same and if someone does recognize the label (and is dishonest) then your bag is not making it on your flight.

Bon Voyage my Little Fashionistas! May your days be filled with sun and tanned foreign men.